


"IT'S RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN BITCH"

by MsFunSize



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cookies, Crack, I Tried, M/M, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Minor Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Protective Lee Taeyong, Spaceships, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsFunSize/pseuds/MsFunSize
Summary: Where Taeyong unexpectedly beats the God of War in a baking contest and who is now hunting him down for the cookies(Please read. I tried hard to be funny)
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	"IT'S RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN BITCH"

**Author's Note:**

> So uh I got the prompt from twitter lol uhhhh I'm actually sleep-deprived please help. This is honestly my first and probably last attempt on crackfic

“Is it crack? Is it crack that you smoke?” Taeyong pouted at his friend’s question. In all honesty, all Taeyong wanted to do was to win the baking competition for his sons who were craving some cookies. He didn’t know that the consequences of winning are to be hated by the God of War who disguised himself as an angry little boy who seeks comfort by baking cookies but his competitiveness got a little but much

“Can someone be high off coffee? Cause I think I am,” Taeyong dug through his bag on the search for the wretched cookies that manage to curse him. Doyoung rolled his eyes yet stayed silent which probably means yes for Taeyong’s question

“LEE TAEYONG?!” diving under the cafe table, Taeyong prayed for someone to save him 

“Oh, Zeus (Jungwoo) may you save me from your offspring who looks like a toddler,  
May you save everyone from this cafe especially the workers cause I love their coffee and it’s probably the only that keeps me going, Oh, Zeus-- WTF!” before he could even finish, the toddler a.k.a the God of War came up from behind him and was ready to pull an omae wa mou shindeiru and slice him in half but he manages to run away and looked back at Doyoung who is casually hyping up the toddler

Betrayal. (Insert Jeno’s voice: There was no friendship)

Taeyong wanted to go get his sons to prove a quote he once found on Tumblr only if he remembers said quote. Was it, “a family who faces a problem together, stays forever” Or was it wrong?

Taeyong was lucky enough to avoid the wrath of the toddler and manages to sneak his way to his car from the front door of the cafe since the toddler is still throwing a fit. He quickly drives to his son’s school and as he waited outside, his spidey senses tingle, the toddler is coming. With no time to message each of his sons, he pressed on the honk of his car as loud and as long as possible so that way, he could just get everyone’s attention

Said sons, Sicheng, Jeno, Hyuck and Yangyang and alongside their hundreds of school mates went to the hallway that has a clear view of the school’s parking lot where they see a range rover, not even parked half-decently. As the good sons that they are, they immediately recognize the vehicle. They quickly went to their family GC

Mr.Onion: aight which one of you burned the kitchen down again?

LouisLoveMe: Not me

Let_Me_see_theVision: same

LouisLoveMe: Hyuck?

VocalKing: I NEVER BURNED ANY KITCHEN

Let_Me_see_theVision: I’m pretty sure you almost burned down your culinary classroom with your partner, Kun

Mr.Onion: Prof Yuta contradicted himself. Heh

Taeyong who was still inside his car got impatient so he did the most rational thing he could think of, stick his head out of the window and scream for his son’s names. The four boys immediately run to their dad’s car 

“WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!” 

“IN THE CAR NOW?!’

“TELL US FIRST”

“JENO I’M GONNA SCREAM OUT YOUR CRUSH’S NAME IF YOU DON’T GET YOU BUTT INSIDE THE CAR IN 5 SECONDS”

With a horrified look, Jeno ushered all of his siblings inside the car with SIcheng in the shotgun seat and the other three at the backseat. SIghing, Taeyong feel more relieved now that his sons are with him

“So, anyone up for spaceship hunting?”

With no more dignity left, the 4 boys said yes

**********

“I can’t believe dad used Jaemin against you,” Jeno shifted when Jaemin’s name was mentioned

“I’m weak for him okay?!”

“Dad, did you kill someone?” Yangyang’s question silenced the family

“Sweetie it’’s actually the other way around,” the four boys collectively gasped

“D-Dad? Are you a ghost?” He swears his sons are smart but wtf happened to their brain cells?

“No no someone wants to kill me,”

“Ahhhhhhh wait WHAT” will you look at that, Taeyong’s blood really flows in within their system, they not only have 1 brain cell collectively, they’re also extremely slow. Wonderful. If only he can pop a bottle of champagne open but he can’t! There’s still toddler chasing him

Out of nowhere, a heavy object landed on the roof of the car. IT’S THE TODDLER

“IT’S RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN BITCH”

As his sons scream in terror, Taeyong sped up and when seeing a nearby cliff, he immediately hit the middle pedal, throwing the toddler off the cliff. Seeing a bigass spaceship nearby, Taeyong immediately heads to its location and sneaked the cursed cookies in some random free compartment from the outside since there’s a random free space that fits the cookies perfectly. Taeyong raced back to the car with his kids and reversed to some bushes to hide when he sees the toddler sniffing the area like a dog, looking for the cookies

The smell of the cookies hits him, oh how magical the cookies look for him, glowing like the sun itself (Hyuck: Hey!! I’m the only sun here) The toddler immediately hopped on the spaceship, together with the cookies that he’s been longing to eat. Then the spaceship lifts off leaving the family of five free to live their life without being hunted by the toddler when suddenly

Whoosh!

A bright light blinded the family momentarily. It was a fairy! 

“Since you manage to outsmart the God of War, I will grant each and every one of you a wish to come true,”

“Can you erase our schoolmate’s memories?” Granted

“Can Jaemin be my boyfriend?” Granted

“Can I never burn any kitchens ever?” Granted

“Can Louis love me more?” Granted

Taeyong looked at his sons, ain’t he satisfied

“My sons collectively own one brain cell and they have to share it, can you add another one?” Granted lol

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter is @_NiceUsername


End file.
